


The History Project

by Colubrina



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:08:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 15,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23163013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Colubrina/pseuds/Colubrina
Summary: Draco Malfoy finds a way to magically write notes in History of Magic but the only person the spell will work with is Hermione Granger, or so he claims. Continued from a series of drabbles that got out of control.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Comments: 246
Kudos: 386





	1. Chapter 1

**Granger**

Hermione looked down at the word that appeared on her parchment and frowned.

**Granger  
Pretty cool, huh?  
I figured out how to write on my own paper and have it appear on someone else's  
Well  
On yours  
Not sure why it only works with you**

She looked stealthily around the room. No one was looking at her, no one was trying to catch her attention.

_Who is this?_

She wrote the question in her neatest writing under the stream of comments.

**It works both ways  
** _Apparently  
_ **Merlin  
You even sound like a swot when you write  
** _Who IS this?  
_ **Hahaha  
Not telling  
** _Ron?  
_ **No need to be insulting  
I haven't insulted you and I've been VERY tempted  
Granger  
Granger  
Why aren't you talking to me?  
I'm bored  
Talk to me  
Granger!  
Why does it have to be you, anyway?  
Anyone else would talk to me  
** _Stop bothering me  
_ **You're cute when you're mad  
** _I'm trying to pay attention to Binns  
_ **Really?  
** _Really  
_ **You could probably give the lecture  
I bet you've taken notes from the book  
I bet they're colour coded  
With underlines  
And tabs  
** _They are not  
_ **But you've taken notes already  
** _I prepared for class  
Yes  
_ **So you know this already  
So do I  
Talk to me instead  
** _I don't even know who you are  
_ **There's not that many people in this class  
I'm sure you can figure it out  
I'll give you a hint  
Not Weasley  
** _Why are you bothering me?  
_ **I'm bored  
And you're cute  
And it's fun to see you not know something**

Hermione looked over at Harry, who was drawing a detailed picture of Cho Chang on his parchment.

_Not Harry  
_ **Hah  
No  
** _Are you going to make me just list off everyone in the room?  
_ **Maybe  
** _Dean?  
_ **Who?  
** _Lavender?  
_ **You think I'm a girl?  
I may die  
I may die RIGHT NOW  
** _Not a girl  
_ **Not unless my parents really lied to me when they gave me the talk  
** _Talk?  
_ **How little witches and wizards are made?  
How boys and girls are different  
That talk  
Maybe Muggles don't do that one?  
** _Not Muggle-born then  
_ **No  
No  
NO  
** _Prejudiced much?  
I don't want to talk to you anymore  
_ **Granger  
Granger  
I'm sorry  
Granger  
I'm bored  
I'm sorry  
Look  
Please talk to me  
I didn't mean it  
** _Go away  
_ **No  
I can do this every class  
I can keep bothering you  
And I will  
Until you talk to me  
I'm bored  
Granger  
Granger  
I'm sorry, OK  
Fuck  
What do I have to say?  
Granger  
** _Look  
I get a lot of shit, OK?  
From Malfoy and arseholes like him.  
_ **Oh  
** _This whole world  
People act like being Muggle-born is  
AT BEST  
Some kind of embarrassing thing I should hide  
Like  
I don't know  
It sucks  
_ **Oh  
I'm sorry  
** _Not Malfoy then  
_ **Why not him?  
** _Can you imagine Malfoy apologizing for being a git?  
To me?  
I can't  
Can't even imagine him talking to me  
_ **I guess  
** _So, who are you?  
_ **Maybe we should pay attention  
Edgar the Eager and all  
Good stuff  
** _It's hagiography  
_ **What?  
** _The book  
What Binns is saying  
It's all  
cleaned up  
Made to look pretty  
Mostly wizards just slaughtered everyone  
Edgar was actually kind of an awful guy  
He used to cut the hands off of the daughters of his enemies  
And cut their tongues out  
_ **Was that in the book?  
I think I missed something  
** _No.  
I did extra reading  
_ **Of course you did  
** _It gets more interesting if you look at stuff outside the textbook  
_ **You think cutting the hands off people is interesting?  
That's fucked up, Granger  
** _You think being a Muggle-born is something to be ashamed of  
That's what's fucked up  
_ **I said I was sorry  
** _You still think it  
_ **Do not  
** _Do too  
_ **Not  
** _Prove it  
_ **What?  
** _Tell me who you are  
_ **How does that prove anything?  
** _It was worth a shot  
_ **Are you sure you're a Gryffindor?  
That seemed awfully sneaky for one of you pure of heart people  
** _Slytherin, then  
_ **What  
** _You're Slytherin  
_ **Best house  
** _And a boy  
_ **So the cock suggests  
** _And there's no way Goyle or Crabbe could have figured out a spell like this  
Fuck  
_ **Granger  
Granger  
Granger  
Granger  
** _Go away, Malfoy  
_ **I could be Theo  
Or Blaise  
** _I'm not talking to you  
_ **Granger  
Granger  
Granger  
Granger  
Granger  
Granger  
Hermione  
Tell me more about Edgar  
I'm sorry  
Come on  
You liked me before you knew who I was  
** _Go away  
_ **You're talking to me again  
Granger  
Please  
I'm so bored  
** _I'm not here to entertain you  
Malfoy  
Despite what you may think  
Go away  
_ **Why?  
Why won't you talk to me?  
** _Do you really need a fucking list?  
_ **Yes  
** _You've made fun of me  
and called me names  
since we were 11  
_ **You broke my nose  
I got over it  
** _You hate everyone like me  
MUDBLOODS  
_ **If I hated you I wouldn't be talking to you  
** _Bullshite  
You're only talking to me because you could only get your spell to work with me  
_ **I lied about that  
** _What?  
_ **Which word didn't you understand?  
** _Arsehole  
_ **Your reading comp sucks  
I didn't use the word arsehole  
** _Go away  
_ **Granger  
I'm sorry  
I really am  
** _You're just bored  
_ **That too  
** _See  
_ **I'm not a total arsehole  
** _Yes you are  
_ **OK, I probably am  
I still want to talk to you  
** _Why  
And what makes you think I want to talk to you?  
_ **You keep writing back?  
** _To tell you to go away  
_ **Class is almost over  
** _Thank God  
_ **What?  
** _Muggle thing  
From my filthy Muggle background  
_ **I think you should take me on as a project  
** _What?  
_ **If you can save house elves you can save me  
** _I have totally failed to save a single house elf  
_ **Well, I wouldn't wear one of those hats either  
You're bad at knitting  
** _Arsehole  
_ **Save me, Granger  
Teach me all about Muggles  
And how I'm wrong  
We have all year  
And this class is boring  
And you've already outlined the whole book  
With different coloured ink  
** _I have  
_ **You've done  
outside reading  
on purpose  
** _I have  
_ **You might know more about the topics than Binns  
** _I know more than you, that's for sure  
_ **Did he really cut people's hands off?  
** _Yes  
_ **That's gross  
** _It really is  
_ **I bet you know more gross stuff you could tell me  
** _I do  
Do you really care?  
_ **You going to save me?  
** _You're a prick.  
_ **Yep  
I'm cute, though  
** _I prefer gingers  
_ **Ewww  
I'll have to save you too  
Mutual salvation pact  
Do we have a deal?  
** _I'm putting my things away now, Malfoy  
_ **Do we have a deal?  
Granger  
Granger?**

Hermione Granger narrowed her eyes at the pointy-faced blond boy as they shoved their way out into the hall.

"Deal," she muttered under her breath and he smirked at her.

"What was that about?" Ron asked. "Since when do you talk to Malfoy?"

"Did you know Edgar the Eager used to cut the hands off – "

"Oh, Merlin," he cut her off. "Please no more of your disgusting extra history details. No one cares about that shit but you, Hermione, and no one ever will."


	2. Chapter 2

**Granger  
Granger  
Granger  
Granger  
** _Why are you bothering me?  
_ **I'm bored.  
** _Only the boring are bored.  
_ **You must get bored a lot then.  
** _Do you have no social skills at all?  
_ **What?  
** _You want me to talk to you  
When there is a test tomorrow  
And I'm trying to pay attention  
And you think the best way to do this is to insult me?  
_ **It worked, didn't it?  
Granger  
Granger  
Oh, come on.  
I was teasing.  
Granger!  
Fine.  
I'm sorry.  
There. Are you happy now?  
GRANGER!  
** _Please stop.  
_ **But I'm bored.  
Tell me more about history.  
** _You could try listening to Binns.  
I have this crazy idea  
He might be talking about history.  
_ **He just listed all the contents of Goblin warpacks.  
** _I know  
Because, unlike you, I was listening.  
_ **That makes no sense.  
If I weren't listening  
I wouldn't have known what he was talking about  
** _Fine, you were listening.  
_ **But it's boring.  
And pointless.  
Are any of us  
ever going to need to pack a bag to  
survive in the woods for six months?  
Really?  
** _You never know.  
_ **Do you ever admit you're wrong?  
** _No.  
_ **But you're wrong about me, right?  
** _I doubt it.  
_ **But you're talking to me.  
So you must think I'm not totally unsalvageable.  
** _You can spell, it's true.  
_ **And I'm cute.  
** _I'd stick with the spelling compliment.  
_ **You're smiling.  
I made you smile.  
** _Maybe I find the lecture amusing.  
_ **Doubt it.  
** _Malfoy  
_ **What?  
** _We've been doing this for months.  
_ **I know  
It's great  
You keep me awake in history  
** _We all have a purpose.  
How lucky I am to have found mine.  
_ **Are you being sarcastic?  
** _You think?  
Look  
You're smart  
And you're funny  
_ **And I can spell  
** _But you're still basically a prejudiced arsehole  
And I'm tired of it  
_ **What do you mean?  
I talk to you.  
Every day  
** _Only this way  
Where no one can see us  
Or hear us  
_ **You've told Scarhead you write notes to me all history class?  
** _No  
_ **Or Weasel?  
** _That's not the same  
_ **Is  
** _Is not  
_ **Is  
You're embarrassed to admit you like me  
I think my feelings are hurt  
Maybe I don't want to talk to you anymore.  
** _Malfoy, don't be ridiculous  
Malfoy  
Malfoy  
Malfoy  
Arrghhhh  
Why aren't you talking to me?  
_ **You're ashamed of me.  
** _You're ashamed of ME.  
_ **Why would I be more ashamed of you than you of me?  
** _Because you're a racist prick.  
_ **Now who had no social skills?  
** _What?  
_ **You want attention so you insult me?  
** _Are you claiming you AREN'T_ _embarrassed to admit you talk to a Mudblood?  
_ **Nice language  
** _I give up  
_ **Granger  
Please don't  
** _Talk to me in public then  
_ **It's not that easy  
** _See?  
_ **Shite  
Are you crying  
No  
Fuck  
Granger  
Come on  
** _I have allergies  
Leave me alone, okay?  
_ **You don't have allergies  
Fuck  
** _Do you want to know some kind of weird Goblin anecdote?  
I'm good at those  
Keep you entertained in history  
Wouldn't want Draco Malfoy to get bored  
_ **Granger  
** _Did you know that in 1653 a goblin petitioned to marry a witch  
They killed him  
_ **Who? Wizards?  
** _The other goblins  
Killed her too.  
_ **Nice  
You're still sniffling  
I'm sorry  
** _It's fine  
It's not like I really was looking forward to having to listen to Ron  
go on and on and on about how much you suck  
and how I shouldn't waste my time talking to you  
and would I look over his essay while he snogs LavLav  
_ **LavLav?  
Tell me you're joking  
** _She calls him WonWon  
_ **I might be ill.  
You're going to make me be ill right here in class  
Would you walk me to the infirmary to make sure I got there  
** _Malfoy?  
_ **It seems like the least you could do  
After making me ill  
WonWon?  
Really?  
** _Really  
_ **If you ever call me something like that I will go back to pretending not to know you  
** _What?  
_ **HerHer  
** _I'll hit you again if you call me that.  
_ **So violent.**

"Professor Binns?"

The ghost stopped talking about Goblin supply chains and squinted at the blond student with his hand up. "Yes, Mr. Malloy?"

"Malfoy. I don't feel well. I think I may throw up and I'm a bit faint. May I be excused to go to the Infirmary?"

The ghost waved his hand towards the door.

"I think I'll need help getting there," Draco said. "I really feel weak. Could Miss Granger walk me down?"

The ghost nodded and Draco smirked at Hermione as she gathered up her things.

"What's he want?" Ron hissed from his seat but Hermione ignored him.

"Draco," Pansy nearly shrieked. "What are you doing?"

Draco held the door for Hermione, not even glancing at Pansy. "Well," he said once the door had closed behind them and they were alone in the hall. "Lunch should be interesting today. HerHer."

"Do it again and I will hit you," she threatened.

He slung an arm around her shoulder. "Uh huh."


	3. Chapter 3

_I'm going to kill him._

Draco looked down at the words that formed on his parchment and cringed. Hermione was pissed about something. At someone. And who was easy to guess.

 **Ron?**  
 _Who I'm friends with is not his business. **  
**_ **Told you**  
 **And we aren't friends**  
 **We're dating**  
 **Try to keep up** _  
_ _We go to boarding school_  
 _Dating is not all that possible_ **  
** **Hogsmeade** _  
_ _Oh, goody._  
 _Once a month we get to go buy candy_  
 _I'm a little over candy quills_ **  
I won't buy you one then _  
_** _You were going to? **  
**_ **Well, I won't now**  
 **Granger**  
 **Granger**  
 **Granger**  
 **Ignore the weasel** _  
Can't  
_ **You're pretty good at ignoring me**  
 **How much harder can he be to ignore?**  
 **When I'm smarter**  
 **And cuter**  
 **And I kiss better**  
 _So many things I could say to that **  
**_ **Merlin**  
 **No.**  
 **I'm going to be ill**  
 _Fine_  
 _You're smarter **  
**_ **Keep going, Granger**  
 **I know where you live**  
 _You can't get in **  
**_ **You told me the password**  
 **Remember?**  
 _You're cuter **  
**_ **Better**  
 _Two out of three…_ **  
Granger!**  
 _Well, I don't really have enough data to compare_ **  
Does that mean you have or haven't kissed the weasel?**  
 **Granger**  
 **Granger**  
 **Granger**  
 **HERMIONE**  
 _Haven't_  
 _And after his 'fraternizing with the enemy' bullshite_  
 _If he were the last man on earth_  
 _I wouldn't_ **  
Weasley knows the word 'fraternizing'?**  
 _I was surprised too._  
 _Thick-headed_  
 _Stubborn_  
 _git._ **  
What happened?**  
 _Just_  
 _He cornered me in the common room_  
 _And got all…_  
 _Like he's got any right_  
 _Do you have any idea how gross he and Lavender are?_  
 _They're like a sex-ed video_ **  
What's a video?**  
 _Muggle thing. Moving picture that lasts a long time._ **  
Oh.**  
 **Muggles need videos to figure out how to have sex?**  
 _I…_  
 _Never mind._ **  
No, this is so interesting.**  
 **I bet you're glad you're a witch**  
 **Like, really glad.**  
 **I can assure you**  
 **I don't need a video**  
 _After Ron and Lavender no one does_ **  
Excuse me**  
 **While I go wash my brain**  
 **After that visual**  
 **You are an evil woman**  
 _Clearly I have been spending too much time with you_ **  
Nope**  
 **You were evil before I seduced you with my charming ways**  
 _Was not_ **  
Hah**  
 **You go on telling yourself that**  
 _You go on telling yourself you're charming_ **  
Wounded**  
 **You have wounded me**  
 **I am going to die**  
 **And you don't even care**  
 _Oh please_ **  
You care?**  
 _You know I adore you._ **  
Je'tieme or whatever**  
 _Your French isn't so great_ **  
Sorry**  
 **You're**  
 **You know**  
 **You're**  
 **I love you too**  
 **There**  
 **I said it**  
 **So don't go killing Weasely**  
 **Even though he's a prat**  
 **And a git**  
 **And deserves it**  
 **Because if you went to Azkaban**  
 **I'd be really pissed off at you**  
 _You can stop babbling now_ **  
Granger?**  
 _Je t'aime_ **  
So that's how you spell it**  
 **Free period next?**  
 _Nope_  
 _Runes_ **  
Skive off**  
 **Come hide in an old classroom with me**  
 **And tell me more about these Muggle sex videos**  
 _Oh my god_  
 _I tell you I love you and you want to watch porn_ **  
Is that bad?**  
 **Can't be as bad as Ron and LavLav.**  
 _You are such a pain_  
 _Fine, I'll skive off_  
 _But no videos_ ****  
I don't need a video  
 _Oh my god._


	4. Chapter 4

**Granger  
Granger  
I'm really scared  
Granger  
You're up there in the infirmary and my dad's in prison and I'm really scared.  
I hate your friends.  
I hate them.  
I feel like I should hate you.  
They won't even let me see you.  
Stupid Pomfrey turned me away at the door.  
What were you thinking?  
Going up against Death Eaters.  
You're so stupid, Granger.  
So stupid  
You're just a bloody teenager.  
You can't fight those people.  
I can't fight those people.  
Granger.  
I don't know what to do.  
I wish I could talk to you.  
I know you can't read this.  
You're probably not even awake.  
Not looking at history notes  
Waiting for a message from worthless me  
I hate that you're hurt.  
What were you even doing there?  
You're a kid  
We're not supposed to have to fight yet  
I hate your friends  
I hate them  
Saint Potter is why my dad's in prison  
I hate him  
And Weasley  
And all of you  
And I miss you so much  
And I'm so scared  
Granger  
What am I going to do?  
He's in my house.  
And you're hurt.  
And they won't let me see you.  
Potter gets to see you.  
And Weasley  
But not me  
Because I'm already the bad guy  
And I wasn't even there  
I wish I could just sit there and hold your hand  
Even if you aren't awake  
I sent flowers  
I didn't sign the card  
I figured if they were from me the old bat would probably throw them away  
But the lilacs are from me.  
I thought you'd like lilacs  
My mother has a bunch in her garden  
And I've always loved the way they smell  
And you don't seem like a roses or carnations girl to me  
Too stiff  
Too obvious  
I love you, you know  
Stupid Granger  
What the fuck were you even doing there?  
You can't fight Death Eaters, Granger  
They're fucking ruthless  
They're never going to stop coming  
And you made yourself a target  
Why did you have to do that?  
I'm so scared  
I shouldn't be scared.  
I should be ready to man up and do battle and all that  
You were  
You're never scared  
** _I am  
_ **Granger  
** _Hey  
Malfoy  
_ **Are you okay?  
What are you doing up?!  
You should be resting  
** _Miss you  
Kind of woozy from the potion  
But I'll be out tomorrow  
See you then  
_ **Granger  
** _I like the lilacs  
I guessed they were from you  
You're sweet  
Good  
_ **I'm not good  
** _Are  
Too tired to argue  
Don't make me argue  
_ **I won't  
Granger  
I wish I could come see you  
** _Me too  
Malfoy  
_ **Yes?  
** _It'll be okay  
_ **Won't  
** _We'll figure it out  
_ **I'm scared  
** _I know  
Love you too  
You know  
_ **Granger  
** _Tired  
I'm okay  
Hurts  
I'll see you tomorrow_


	5. Chapter 5

_Malfoy  
Malfoy  
MALFOY  
Don't ignore me  
I'm really worried about you  
Are you okay?  
What's going on?  
_ **I'm not going to use your name  
In case anyone finds this  
** _Are you okay?  
_ **They want me to take the Mark  
So  
No  
I'm fucking well not okay  
** _Shite  
Malfoy  
You can't let them do that to you  
You can't  
_ **And how the fuck do you suggest I stop them?  
Gosh, evil fucking crazy people, I'd actually rather not join up, thanks anyway  
Cause I don't see that working  
** _Fuck  
_ **Exactly  
** _When?  
_ **What do you mean 'when'?  
Does it fucking matter WHEN?  
** _Maybe  
Maybe I can come up with a plan  
I can look at the library  
Books  
_ **Books?  
I don't think your Muggle romance novels are going to help here  
You can't save me  
It'd be better if you didn't contact me  
Safer  
For you  
** _Malfoy  
Malfoy  
Malfoy  
Draco  
Draco  
I'm not going away  
I'm going to find a way to fix this  
Malfoy  
Don't shut me out like this  
I know you have to be terrified  
But I can find an answer  
Don't tell me 'you can't save me'  
You have no idea  
How many times I've saved Harry  
Who I know you don't like  
But that's not the point  
Draco  
Please  
I'm begging you  
Let me help you  
At least talk to me  
Draco  
I'm so worried  
For you  
Please  
Draco  
Draco  
Draco  
I'm just going to poke at you every day until you respond  
Draco  
Draco  
Draco  
Draco  
_ **Stop bothering me  
** _No  
_ **I'm trapped here  
Alone  
Having dinner with these crazy people  
Who are fucking evil  
And my dad's in jail  
And I don't know what to do  
And they're telling me  
Once you take the Mark  
You'll be one of us  
And won't that be exciting?  
Like I'm a stupid two-year-old  
Who they're going to take to the zoo  
If I just finish my mashed peas or something  
And then I get a special task  
And no one will tell me what it is  
But my guess is it's not going to be getting the ribbon for best roses at this year's flower show  
** _Probably not  
Roses are so last year  
Lilacs are where it's at  
_ **Not fair to make me smile  
** _It's what I have right now  
_ **I'm so scared  
** _I know  
_ **What do I do?  
** _I don't know  
Can you just leave?  
_ **And go where?  
** _Hide?  
_ **I'm sixteen bloody years old!  
How am I supposed to hide from these people?  
** _You could get help  
_ **From who?  
You?  
No offense  
Because you're pretty amazing  
But I don't think you can exactly hide me from these people  
** _Probably not  
But we could ask for help  
_ **You may have missed this  
But your side hates me  
And I hate them  
They wouldn't even let me into the infirmary to see you  
Because I'm the bad guy  
Remember?  
No way are they going to help me  
** _You and Harry are so much alike  
It's fucking scary  
_ **No need to insult me  
** _I'm not.  
Look  
Have you ever heard the phrase  
It's better to ask for forgiveness than permission?  
Malfoy  
We just show up  
At the gates of Hogwarts  
You and me  
And demand Dumbledore hide you  
He can't not  
He can't tell you to go back and be turned into a Death Eater  
_ **That's a shitty plan  
I thought you were the brains of your little group  
** _If that doesn't work I'll take you to Mrs. Weasley  
_ **Are you high?  
** _Malfoy!  
_ **I'm serious  
Because you're usually a lot more sensible than this  
** _I flew on an invisible horse to the Ministry of Magic  
And fought grown men  
To help Harry  
And you think I'm sensible?  
_ **Point  
** _Game and match_  
Meet me at the gates  
And I'll make them hide you


	6. Chapter 6

**This is weird.  
** _I know.  
_ **There's no one here, Granger.  
** _That's not true. I think a lot of the professors live here.  
_ **Which is also weird.  
** _Right?  
_ **Still. It feels empty.  
** _Do you think it's haunted? Should we be scared of ghosts?  
_ **Haha  
Very funny.  
Granger  
** _Yeah  
_ **I've never been in the dorm with no one else here.  
It's really weird.  
** _Yeah  
_ **I wish you were here.  
I mean  
Not for sex  
Well  
Yes  
For that too  
Because that would be great  
** _Oh my god  
_ **But  
Just for company  
** _Yeah  
But I'm pretty sure that thing about how he was sure he could trust us  
Meant  
Don't sneak into each other's rooms  
_ **Yeah  
** _I don't want to mess up your getting out of there  
_ **Yeah  
** _Though I wouldn't mind company either  
_ **Really?  
** _Yeah  
It's weird being up here alone.  
And I was really worried about you  
Really really worried  
And I barely got to see you before we were whisked off to our rooms  
You kids be good and we'll straighten this out in the morning  
_ **I wish he'd actually promised I could stay  
** _He can't send you back  
Draco!  
That would be awful.  
_ **You think he wouldn't?  
** _Of course not!  
_ **He let you and Potter and all your little band of merry men go to the Ministry  
** _Luna was there too  
_ **Merlin. Merry people.  
Point is  
He was fine with using children to do whatever it was you were doing  
** _Harry thought we were rescuing his godfather  
_ **What an idiot  
** _Draco!  
_ **Well, he was.  
I got the whole story this summer over dinner  
He was being tricked  
** _Obviously  
_ **And Dumbledore let it happen for some reason of his own  
What if not saving me also falls into some reason of his own?  
** _Draco, that's not going to happen  
_ **Maybe  
Granger  
I missed you  
Missed you lots  
** _Me too  
_ **You missed yourself?  
** _No, you prat  
I missed you  
_ **Tell me a story  
** _What?  
_ **Just  
I want to see your words  
Talk to you  
And not about why I'm here  
Alone in my school dormitory  
Talking to my girlfriend  
Who is also alone in her school dormitory  
And I don't want to think  
Just not something awful like the Three Brothers  
** _What?  
_ **Fairy tale about death  
Wizard thing  
Tell me a Muggle story  
Something I don't already know  
** _Okay  
Once upon a time  
_ **Why do they always start that way?  
** _I don't know  
Do you want me to tell the story or not?  
_ **Sorry  
** _Prat  
_ **I said I was sorry  
** _Once upon a time  
There were two sisters and their names were Snow White and Rose Red  
And when they were out in the woods they found a bear  
And they brought him home  
_ **They brought a bear home?  
That's really stupid  
Who brings a dangerous animal home?  
** _You can't hear me  
But I'm making annoyed noises  
_ **Sorry. They bring the bear home  
** _Right  
And they comb its hair and take care of it  
_ **The bear?  
** _Right. The bear.  
And then they're out in the woods again  
_ **Do they find a wolf this time?  
** _No, a dwarf.  
_ **Do they bring the dwarf home too?  
** _Draco!  
_ **Sorry  
** _They do not bring the dwarf home. He has a long beard and it's caught under a tree  
So they take out a pair of scissors and trim his beard to free him  
_ **And then he thanks them and they bring him home?  
** _No. Prat.  
_ **I love you  
** _I love you, too  
Anyway  
The dwarf calls them idiots and irresponsible and runs off  
And the next month they see him again and this time his beard is caught under a rock  
_ **How the hell did he get his beard caught under a rock?  
** _I don't know  
He just did  
_ **I thought this was a story about a bear  
** _We'll get back to the bear  
They trim the dwarf's beard again and again he's nasty to them and runs off  
_ **This dwarf is kind of a jerk  
Is the bear nice?  
** _The bear is nice.  
He's pretty much hanging out in the cottage getting his fur combed  
And eating things they bring him  
_ **It's good to be the bear.  
** _So a few months later they run into the dwarf again  
_ **Let me guess  
He's got his beard caught in something again  
And they cut it and free him  
And he's a jerk about it  
** _Well, kind of  
This time when his beard is cut he dissolves into a pile of dust at their feet  
_ **Whoa  
I was not expecting that  
** _Well, you know how stories go  
The third time something happens the pattern breaks  
_ **Swot  
** _Prat  
_ **But you like me anyway  
** _I do  
So they go home and the bear that they've been taking care of all winter and combing  
And getting honey for  
And berries and stuff  
Is gone  
And in his place is a prince  
_ **Is he naked?  
** _Draco!  
_ **Well, I always wonder that in these stories where animals turn into people  
Where have they been keeping their clothes all this time?  
Is there some kind of magical pocket where the clothes go  
And when you change back are you magically dressed again  
Or do you start out naked and you have to take the clothes out of the magical pocket and get dressed  
Serious questions, Hermione.  
** _He's not naked  
Because magic  
_ **Werewolves are naked and they're magic  
** _Well, the prince isn't naked because magic  
_ **I think you're wrong  
** _I think you don't want me to finish the story  
_ **I do!  
I'll be good  
** _Liar  
The prince  
Who is not naked  
Explains that he had been turned into a bear by an evil dwarf  
Who kept all his magic in his beard  
And someone must have trimmed the dwarf's beard away and killed him  
Which freed the prince  
And so he married one of the girls  
_ **Which one?  
** _I don't remember  
Does it matter? They're pretty much interchangeable.  
_ **What happens to the other girl?  
Seems unfair.  
One gets a prince and the other doesn't  
** _Umm… twin brother I think.  
_ **Who didn't even try to look for his brother?  
I think someone didn't want to share the kingdom  
** _Anyway, that's the end  
The dwarf is killed off because they destroy his magic beard  
And the bear turns back into a prince  
And he marries one of the girls  
And the other one marries the off stage twin brother  
And everyone lives happily ever after  
_ **I like the end  
Though the twin brother part's a bit lame  
** _I like the evil dwarf getting killed  
_ **Me too  
I still think the prince was naked  
** _I want you to imagine me hitting you  
_ **Thanks  
Hermione  
** _For hitting you?  
_ **No  
For saving me  
I'll see you tomorrow  
** _Yeah_


	7. Chapter 7

**Well.**

**0 for 2, Granger.**

**Your plan was utter shite**

_Shut up_

**No.**

**I'm about to get tossed back into that hellhole and you tell me to shut up?**

**NO.**

_I'm trying to think_

_And you are not helping_

**I admit that while I didn't exactly think I'd be greeted with open arms**

**Look who came sniveling in**

**Was a bit more than I expected**

**I mean**

**Who knew that Weasley knew the word sniveling?**

_I was surprised too_

**Life with you is an endless adventure through Weasley's surprisingly large vocabulary**

_What do you remember about the goblin packs_

**What?**

_In class one day_

_History class_

_Binns was talking about goblin war logistics_

_And what they would pack to survive long hauls through the wilderness_

**What the bloody hell are you on about?**

_Do you remember any of that?_

**No**

**I was probably talking to you**

**And drawing things in my notes**

**Granger**

**What are you talking about?**

_I can't believe they plan to send you back to you know who_

_Like a pawn_

**I can**

_Who sends a child off to be a spy?_

_Who does that?_

_That's not right_

**Dumbledore**

**I'm sure he's got reasons of his own**

_And what's Molly's excuse?_

**I believe it was that Dumbledore knows best and we should have a nice supper**

**And I can floo home in the morning**

**And she's sure my mother is worried sick**

_I'm sorry about your mother_

_I really am_

_But you can't go back there_

_Who in their right mind would think that was a good idea_

**Granger**

_No one I respect, that's who_

**Granger**

_How's your undetectable extension charm?_

**Granger**

_I have a tent already_

_Got to keep it after the World Cup thing_

_It's a bit musty_

_And I'm sorry about that_

_But you'll have to cope_

_Ginny is looking at me as I write this_

_She knows something's going on_

**Granger**

_I'll leave her a note for Harry_

_She'll read it, of course, but she won't show it to Molly_

**GRANGER**

_What?_

**Would you mind telling me what the FUCK you are talking about?**

_Get your bag, put an undetectable extension charm on it_

_Shove in everything you think you might want for the next few months_

_Clothes_

_Go down to the kitchen and tuck away as much food as possible_

_Do you have any money?_

**In my vault**

**More than you've ever seen**

**Granger**

**Would you please tell me what you're talking about**

_Going on the run_

_Of course_

_You can't go back there_

_Not an option_

_And if Dumbledore refuses to hide you_

_And Molly won't help_

_You're going_

_Well_

_We're going_

_Do you have your broom with you?_

**You hate flying**

**Granger**

**You can't just take off with me**

_Like you'd survive on your own_

_Please_

**I mean**

**You have a life**

**And friends**

**And you can't just throw all of that away**

_Well_

_For one thing, I'm not throwing it all away_

_I'll still have friends._

_Try not to overestimate how powerful you are_

_Hiding out with you will not make Ron and Harry hate me_

_And I'm just going to get you settled and safe_

_And then I'll go back to Hogwarts_

_Let you know when it's safe to come out of hiding_

_And for another thing_

_How do you plan to stop me?_

**Granger**

_Would you get on packing your bag?_

**Granger**

_I've got most of mine done_

_I started working on it at Hogwarts_

_I had a bad feeling_

_So I nicked a bunch of stuff_

**Granger**

_WHAT!?_

**You're kind of amazing**

**And a little scary**

_Can you do an undetectable extension charm or do you need me to do it?_

**I'm not incompetent you know.**

_It's an advanced spell_

**Yes, I can do it**

_Then get packing._

_I'm going to go snag some maps from the twins._

**Granger**

_For the love of Merlin, what?_

**I do have my broom.**

_Good._

_Ugh_

_I hate flying_

_Nothing fancy. Promise me. No tricks. No Wrongy feints or anything._

**Wronski**

_What?_

**It's called the Wronski Feint**

_Just don't bloody do it while I'm on your broom_

**Was that a double entendre?**

_Oh my god_

**Living in a tent**

**In hiding**

**Can you picture me waggling my eyebrows suggestively?**

_I'm going to hurt you_

**Meet at the front door at midnight?**

_Yeah._

**Granger**

_What?_

**I'm getting tired of having to thank you**

**But**

**You know**

**Thank you**


	8. Chapter 8

**Granger**

**I miss you**

**Already**

**And not just because you turn red whenever I make a broom joke**

**And not just because you taste like peaches**

**And who tastes like peaches in a musty tent?**

**And not just because it’s so quiet without you**

**But because I do**

_Hey_

**Hey**

_I miss you too._

_We agreed, though_

_It’s better for me to be here where I can follow what’s going on_

**I know**

_I miss seeing you smile in the morning_

**You do?**

_Yeah_

_I miss lots of things_

**Are you okay?**

_Ron’s mad at me_

_But I’ll live_

_And Harry’s convinced you’re a Death Eater_

_Which is absurd_

_Apparently you’re corrupting me_

_And I’m too stupid to recognize your brilliant and clever plan_

**It was your plan**

_Well, it is brilliant and clever_

_So of course it was mine_

_No_

_They seem to think that you hiding out_

_In a musty tent_

_Is some diabolical plan to trick me_

_Which, if it is, is really convoluted and stupid_

**I don’t do convoluted and stupid**

_Says the boy who created a brilliant spell just to get my attention_

_Instead of just asking me out to Hogsmeade like a sensible person_

**See. Brilliant. Not stupid.**

_Bit convoluted though_

**It worked**

_It did. Still convoluted_

**Sneaky**

_What_

**It was sneaky, not convoluted.**

_You take so much pride in being sneaky_

**Yeah**

**Slytherin**

**It’s what we do**

_I have met Crabbe, you know_

**Uh**

_And Goyle_

**Yeah**

_And Parkinson_

**Pansy’s a lot sneakier than you might think**

_Can you explain the other two?_

**Well, it’s not like every one of your lions is unthinkingly brave**

_Like who?_

**Longbottom?**

_Fair point_

**And Greg and Vincent try to be sneaky**

**They’re just**

_Stupid?_

**Yeah**

**Stay away from them, Granger**

**Their fathers**

_You don’t need to say any more_

_I know_

**Nott too.**

_Anyone else?_

**Not in our year**

**Though**

**Don’t trust Snape**

_What?_

**Just… don’t.**

_I’m scared_

_I wish I were there with you_

_I don’t know who to trust_

**No one**

_Harry_

**Maybe**

**But Dumbledore**

_I know_

_I’m so scared, Draco_

_I feel like I’m supposed_

_To never be scared_

_To be strong for Harry and Ron and make all the plans and_

_I’m so scared_

_I’m what you know who hates_

_I’m what his people want to kill_

_They want to kill me_

_Just because I’m tainted somehow_

**You aren’t tainted**

**Don’t say that**

**Don’t ever say that**

**They’re fucked up**

**And wrong**

**And crazy**

**I love you**

**We’ll go somewhere far away**

**Live on a beach**

**Grow peaches**

_I don’t think peaches grow on a beach_

**Whatever**

**We’ll grow peaches**

**And open a bar**

**And sell people drinks**

**With little umbrellas in them**

**And it will be sunny every day**

_And we’ll live in a little shack_

**With sand on the floor**

_And be safe_

**Yeah**

_Draco_

_I love you_

**Me too**

_I am aware of your self-regard_

**Wasn’t what I meant**

**Though**

**Of course**

**I am pretty great**

**This tent doesn’t have a mirror**

**But I recall that I’m very attractive**

_Vain_

**And you are beautiful**

**And I miss you**

_I miss you too_

**You going to be okay with Potter?**

_Yeah_

_I’ll get him to listen to me_

_But_

_He really_

_He’s always kind of hated you_

_Ron too_

**I’m not his biggest fan**

_Well, we all know that’s LavLav_

_ALL_

**Well, she wasn’t sorted into Ravenclaw for a reason.**

_Draco!_

**What?**

_You are so_

**Mean?**

**Honest?**

_Bratty._

**Hey**

**Hermione**

**How long are we going to do this?**

**I’m scared for you**

**Dumbledore knows you aren’t a totally agreeable pawn**

**And Scarhead and Weasel are mad at you**

**And I pay attention**

**Even when I didn’t like you I paid attention to your little clique**

**And I know they can be right shite friends**

_It will be okay_

_I can get Harry to see reason_

_No sane person goes on the run away from the Death Eaters_

_Because he’s a Death Eater_

_That doesn’t even make sense_

**How long?**

_I don’t know_

_Harry’s taking all these private lessons with Dumbledore_

_Stuff he apparently needs to know to deal with you know who_

**Because using a student as a weapon is such a good idea**

_I know_

_It makes me want to cry_

_And shake him_

_And say this isn’t supposed to be your fight_

_We’re kids_

_Just kids_

_Why can’t we be arguing about Hogsmeade dates_

_Even in war_

_This isn’t supposed to be what happens_

_You aren’t supposed to use kids_

**Forgetting about your little jaunt to the Ministry?**

_No_

_And not about the idea to send you back into the snake pit either_

_Go get Marked_

_And tell us all about it_

**Me.**

**You.**

**Potter.**

**We’re all pawns on his game board**

_I’m sorry_

_I really thought he would help you_

**You’re naiveté is one of the cutest things about you**

**That and your nose**

_My nose?_

**Yeah. You have a really cute nose.**

**Come see me**

**Please**

_Draco_

**I miss you so much**

**And it’s so quiet**

**All the time**

**I’m scared to leave the tent**

_I’ll come at Halloween_

**Come to stay**

_You know I can’t_

**Why**

_We agreed_

**I’ve changed my mind**

**What good can you do at Hogwarts?**

**He’s going to use you to fight his war**

**And you’re going to die**

**And I can’t bear that**

_Draco_

**I love you**

**You stupid, stupid witch**

**I can’t do this without you**

**Please**

_Draco_

_Please_

**I’m begging you, Hermione**

**Picture me on my knees**

**And I’m not even making a crude joke here**

**Because I really mean it**

_Can we talk at Halloween?_

_Can you hold on until then?_

**Yes**

**Every night**

**Write me every night**

_And in classes_

_I will_

_I promise_

**I love you**

_I love you_

**Hermione**

**Can I make the crude on my knees joke now?**

_Oh my god_

**Yes**

**That’s what you’d be saying**

_Remind me why I love you?_

**Because I’m cute**

**And funny?**

_Yeah_

_And smart_

**That too**

**Also good on my knees**

_Oh my god_

**Exactly**


	9. Chapter 9

_Harry’s cheating_

**What?**

_In Potions. He’s got some book_

_With all sorts of notes in it_

_And he’s using it TO CHEAT_

**Hermione**

**I don’t want to be an unsupportive boyfriend here**

**But why do I care about this?**

_Because it’s not FAIR_

**Forget stupid Potter**

**Do you miss me?**

**Granger**

**Granger**

**Are you there?**

_Yeah_

_I really do._

_I hate it here without you_

_Harry’s off all the time doing some thing about the war_

_And cheating_

_And Ron and Lavender have given new meanings to the phrase_

_Public display of affection_

_I really really miss you_

**It’s cold**

_Are you a wizard or not?_

_Cast a warming spell?_

**It’s not the same**

**I miss having you here**

_One week_

_I’ll be there in one week_

**Please stay**

_Draco_

**Just pack up your little bottomless bag and come stay with me**

**Leave Potter a note**

_What do I say?_

_Sorry – ran off to leave you to fight alone?_

**He’s the bloody chosen one**

**Not you**

**Please**

**Granger**

**Hermione**

**Please**

_Draco_

_You don’t sound okay_

**I’m fine**

**I’m just tired**

**And cold**

**And it’s always so quiet**

_You’re worrying me_

_Can you hold tight another week?_

_Or do I come now?_

**I’m fine**

**I just miss you is all**

**You don’t need to worry**

_Fuck_

_Now I’m really worried_

_You sound different_

**Just talk to me**

**So I’m not alone**

**Tell me what’s going on**

_Not much_

_Everyone’s kind of pretending nothing is happening_

_Like we’re all scared but don’t want to admit it_

_The papers are_

_Filled with stuff the Death Eaters are doing_

_Bad things_

**Tell me**

_Just… killing Muggles_

_They killed some girl’s brother_

_Can we talk about something else?_

_This all really scares me_

**I love you**

_I know_

_I wish you were here_

_But if you were here_

_You’d be trapped_

**Marked**

**Being ordered to do Merlin knows what**

**Fuck**

**Granger**

**This is all so fucked up**

**I just want to take you to a dance**

**And snog behind the rose bushes**

**And buy you some jewelry that’s expensive enough to make you nervous**

**And watch you blush at jokes about brooms**

_Me too_

**You want to buy me expensive jewelry?**

_No_

_You prat_

_Just_

_Go to a dance_

_And snog_

_And try to get you to stop with the jokes_

_Draco_

_I wish your parents wouldn’t hate me_

**Me too**

_They do, don’t they_

_Just as a matter of principle_

**I don’t**

**And I don’t care**

**Granger**

**Stop**

**You’re you**

**And this is stupid**

**And I don’t care**

**I don’t care**

**I don’t care**

**I don’t care**

**You’re mine**

**You’re my girl**

**You’re my friend**

**You saved me from that monster**

**And I DON’T CARE WHAT THEY THINK**

_I wish_

**What**

_I wish it didn’t matter_

**It doesn’t**

**It doesn’t matter**

_I think it does_

_I think it matters a lot_

**Granger**

_I think it’s going to start to matter a lot more_

_And I think being my friend is going to be really hard_

**I’m already in a fucking tent**

**I don’t think it gets much worse**

**What are they going to do to me?**

**Oh, I’m sorry**

**You’re friends with Granger**

**Well, no manor for you**

**And no house elves**

_We need to talk about the house elf thing_

**We do not**

**And you can just be poor and cold and friendless**

**Well**

**Guess what**

**I already am**

**I mean**

**I can’t exactly go to my vault and make a withdrawal**

**Can’t go home**

**Can’t go to school**

**Can’t trust any of the people who were my friends a year ago**

**What can a bunch of judgmental pricks take from me that I didn’t give up already?**

_I’m sorry_

**I’m not**

**I don’t want to be in that madhouse**

**This is better than that**

**So don’t tell me being your friend is going to be hard**

**Not being a Death Eater is fucking hard**

**Which I am not, by the way**

_Uh_

**What?**

**I had to try to get some kind of sex joke in there**

_I love you_

**I’m losing my touch**

**I make a hard joke and you get all gooey**

**Though**

**Actually**

**Now that I think about it**

**Those things could go well together**

_Oh my god_

_Draco Malfoy_

_When I get there I am going to hit you_

**Merlin**

**You are so violent**

**And fine**

**We won’t have house elves**

_What?_

**When this is over and we have that shack at the beach**

**And we sell drinks with umbrellas**

**And grow peaches**

_Peaches don’t grow at the beach_

**Fuck you**

**I’m a wizard**

**And if I want peaches to grow at the beach they will**

_Sheesh_

_Fine_

_Peaches_

**And we won’t have house elves**

**To make you happy**

_Don’t you think introducing a non-native flora could be bad?_

**What?**

_The peaches_

_At the beach_

_What if they disturb the local ecosystem?_

**Are you totally going to overlook I agreed to not have house elves**

_Pretty much_

_Yeah_

_Because that’s kind of terrifying_

**I agree**

**You have no idea how useful house elves are**

**They cook**

**And clean**

**And hang wallpaper**

_Hang wallpaper?_

**I’ve seen it**

_Wow_

**And I’m willing to give all that up**

_Do they really hang wallpaper?_

**You fixate on things, you know that?**

_Wallpaper?_

**Fixate**

_You want to live with me?_

_When this is over?_

**I want to live with you NOW**

**I want you to come here**

**And stay**

_Draco_

**I know**

**You think you should stay there**

**And help the chosen one or something**

**I just**

**I miss you**

_I miss you too_

_So much_

_Maybe I should just take off_

**I want you to do what you think best**

**I mean**

**I want you here with me**

**But**

**I don’t want to pressure you**

**We agreed it was better to have you know what was going on**

_Maybe that was a bad idea_

_I’m not accomplishing anything_

_And I’m worried about you_

_I love you, you know_

**Yeah**

_I should go to bed_

_I have class_

_And stuff_

**Okay**

_You going to be okay_

**Yeah**

**I’ll be fine**

_I’m not sure I believe you_

**You’ll be here in one week, right?**

_Assuming I don’t splinch myself_

**Not funny, Granger**

_Yes, I’ll be there in one week_

**Could you bring cake?**

**I miss cake a lot**

_Yeah, Draco_

_I’ll bring some cake_

**Thanks**

_I love you_

**Go to bed, Granger**

**You have class**

**And stuff**

_Okay_

_I love you_

**You’re still writing**

_Yeah_


	10. Chapter 10

**I miss you**

_Already?_

_I’ve only been gone two days_

_And I was there for months_

**I know**

_At least it isn’t cold anymore_

_And I really think you could have come with me_

_Harry seems to have accepted that you aren’t a Death Eater_

_What with us being in that tent together for months on end_

_And you not turning me over to pale and scary_

**I’d rather not risk it**

**No offense, Hermione**

**But I don’t trust your friends**

_Understood_

_This house is awful, by the way_

_Your Aunt Walburga wasn’t pleasant_

**Great aunt, technically**

_Well, excuse me_

**I’ve heard stories**

**The more distance as I can put between myself and her**

**The better**

**Even my father thought she was a bit extreme**

**‘unnecessarily impolite’ I think he called her**

_That doesn’t sound that harsh_

**From my father**

**Describing family**

**It was brutal**

**He specializes in understatement**

**I wish I could see him**

**I wish I could see my mum**

**I miss them so much**

_When it’s all over_

**Assuming we’re all still alive**

_Nice_

**Well**

_We’ll be alive and you’ll be fussing with those peach trees_

**And you’ll be caving on the house elf issue**

_I don’t think so_

**Granger**

**They like cleaning**

**And you don’t**

**As I have learned**

_I did my share!_

**You also can’t cook very well**

_Do you want me to bring sweets back or not?_

**Are you threatening me**

**Are you threatening me with cake withholding?**

_What if I am?_

**I did it**

**It took seven months alone with you**

**But I’ve turned you into a Slytherin**

_It’s like you really don’t want that cake_

**No cake, no backrubs**

_No backrubs, no blow jobs_

**Now you’re really playing dirty**

_Imagine me looking innocent_

**I assure you**

**That is not what I am imagining right now**

_Brat_

**Miss you**

_miss you too_

_I might not like cleaning_

_But we keep that tent pretty tidy_

_This house_

_It’s awful_

_Dust and mold and I think there’s a pixie infestation in the curtains_

**Isn’t there a house elf?**

_I think he might pee on things when no one’s looking_

**Gross**

_He is gross_

_Are all house elves this insane?_

**No**

**Mostly they’re annoyingly perky**

**They’ll help you to death**

_I think your Aunt Walburga made this one crazy_

**Great Aunt**

_Whatever_

**Do you have a plan?**

_Yeah_

_But you won’t like it_

**Oh god**

_Since when do you say god_

_That’s a Muggle thing_

**I’m picking up your bad habits**

**What’s this plan I won’t like**

_We have to hunt down magical items_

_And destroy them_

_And we don’t know what they are_

_Or where they are_

_Or how to destroy them_

**You call that a plan?**

**Fuck**

**Potter made that one up, didn’t he?**

**That reeks of Chosen One idiocy**

_I said you wouldn’t like it_

**You are more like my father than I would have expected**

_No cake_

**Don’t threaten me**

**I know what you like**

_Fine_

_Cake_

**Love you**

_Brat_

**I’m wounded**

_No you’re not_

_You’re just angling for more sweets_

_As if I wouldn’t bring back as many as I could fit in my bag_

**That bag could hold all of that nasty house you’re in**

**It should be my house**

**By the way**

**Sirius was disinherited**

**Everything should have gone to my mother**

**Or maybe her crazy sister**

_You don’t want this house_

_No one wants this house_

_Except maybe your aunt’s portrait_

**Great aunt**

_And the crazy house elf_

**Potter?**

_He’s still depressed about Dumbledore_

_I can’t believe it_

_Even now_

_Snape let Death Eaters into Hogwarts_

_And they killed Dumbledore_

_And took off_

**I told you not to trust Snape**

**He was at the manor too much**

_Yeah_

_Draco?_

**Yeah?**

_I’ll be home tomorrow_

**Did you just call our tent home?**

_Is that okay?_

**Yeah**

_You are going to help find these things, right?_

**The magical items you aren’t sure what they are**

**Or where they are?**

**I’ll get right on that**

**Sure.**

_Draco_

**Of course I’ll help.**

**Just**

**Granger**

**This is a fool’s errand**

**You know that, right?**

_What else do we have?_

**Nothing, I guess**

**Come home, Granger**

**I miss you**


	11. Chapter 11

**I let you go back to that stupid house**

**For two lousy days**

**And you come up with this?**

**I cannot believe you are going to break into the Ministry**

**That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of**

**Granger**

**This is guaranteed to go badly**

**GUARANTEED**

_We have to get that locket_

**Arrghhh!**

**I am pulling on my hair**

**Oh look**

**I pulled some out**

**Granger**

**You’ve driven me to pulling my hair out**

**By the roots**

**I hope you are proud of yourself**

_Draco_

_Do you have another plan?_

**No**

_Then shut up_

**When you told me**

**Potter had a plan**

**I should have known it would involve something stupid**

**His idea of a plan is everyone else’s idea of a suicide note**

_Stop exaggerating_

**You flew on invisible horses**

_That was actually Luna’s idea_

**I am now banging my head into the wall**

**I will be bald and concussed very soon**

_It’s a tent, Draco._

_There aren’t walls._

**I’d ask for the details**

**But I suspect they’d just upset me more.**

**I mean**

**I don’t even understand why you have to be there**

**Let your Chosen friend do it**

_I was hoping they would succeed_

_Try to be realistic here_

_Would that happen without me?_

**It’s almost worse when you’re reasonable**

_We go in_

_Get the locket from Umbridge_

_Get out_

_Simple as pie_

**Pie is hard to make**

_What?_

**I don’t know why people say things are simple as pie**

**Have you ever tried to make a pie crust?**

_Have you?_

**My mum liked to bake with me when I was a kid**

**So yes**

_Wow_

_I didn’t know that about you_

**I have layers, Granger**

_That I know_

**Like an onion**

**A worried onion**

_I don’t think onions can worry_

_What with being vegetables_

**Well, I’ve banged my head into the wall so hard**

**I am now a vegetable**

_Look_

_It will be fine_

**Famous last words**

_We will go in_

_Disguised_

_Get the locket_

_Get out_

_Apparate back to this horrid house_

_And then I’ll return to you_

**The only part of that I like is the last part**

_Draco_

**Yes?**

_If you have a better idea I’d love to hear it_

**We could flee to France?**

_I thought you said you would help_

**I did**

**I will**

**I’d bloody well be there**

**If ronniekins hadn’t had hysterics at the idea**

_He still thinks you’re a Death Eater_

**Fucker.**

**That fucker.**

**When this is all over**

**And that bastard is dead**

**And your friend Potter has done his freaky Chosen One thing**

**And managed not to die**

**I am going to break that fucker’s nose**

_Would you calm down?_

**What happens if it goes wrong?**

**What happens if you get caught?**

_Then you come and get me_

_You’ve always wanted to be the hero, right?_

**No.**

**I’ve always wanted to stay the hell away from danger**

**You’re the one with the hero complex**

**Not me**

**Peaches, Granger**

**I like peaches**

**And hot and cold running water**

**And a cottage and the beach**

_And me_

**Aye, there’s the rub**

_Shakespeare?_

**The thing where you assume I am an uncultured rube**

**Got old a long time ago**

_Just_

_You know_

_Muggle literature_

**I’m still British, Granger**

_Muggle_

**British**

_Muggle_

**British**

_I love you_

**I love you too**

**I just have a feeling this is going to end horribly**

**You’ll be dead**

**Or worse**

**For some inexplicable reason**

**You’ll have to bring your two bumbling sidekicks back here**

_A fate worse than death?_

**How are we supposed to have sex with them around?**

**A man has priorities, Granger**

**It’s bad enough to live in a tent**

**But to be celibate in a tent**

**With Weasley glowering at me and trying to sneak looks at my arm**

**To see if I’ve been branded**

**Is worse**

_We could make him very uncomfortable with public displays_

**That’s a thought**

**I like how you think**

_Draco_

_It will be okay_

**It won’t**

**Please be safe**

_I love you_

_It will be fine_

_What could possibly go wrong?_


	12. Chapter 12

**How many times do I get to say I told you so?**

_I think you reached the limit yesterday_

_Maybe the day before_

**This thing**

**Granger**

**Where we have to write to each other**

**To have anything like a private conversation?**

**I don’t like this thing.**

**And Weasley snores.**

_I’m sorry_

_How was I supposed to know it would go so badly?_

_At least we got the locket_

**And splinched Weasley**

**And got blood on the tent floor**

**And now they’re sleeping here**

**Because you let Death Eaters into their safe house**

**And the fidelius charm got broken**

_Fine_

_You were right_

_Merlin_

_Could you let it rest?_

**Nope**

**I think I’m going to say I told you so**

**Until we’re old and grey**

_Lucky lucky me_

**You are lucky**

**I’m a catch**

_I want you to look over and see the expression on my face right now_

**You look like you don’t believe me**

**Granger**

**I’m filthy rich**

_We’re in a tent, Draco_

**And an aristocrat**

_Tent_

**And I adore you**

_Te_

_It’s not fair to get cute when I’m being annoyed with you_

**This smug expression is all for you**

_Brat_

**I love how uncomfortable it makes Weasley that we sleep in the same bed**

_You are a bad bad person_

**I know**

**How quiet can you be, anyway?**

_Draco!_

**What?**

**It’s a reasonable question**

**It’s dark at night**

**No one will see**

**And it’s not like you’re a screamer anyway**

_Oh my god_

_I would die_

**No you wouldn’t**

**Don’t be so dramatic**

**Just be quiet**

**And they’ll never know**

**Merlin**

**Given the way Weasley snores**

**You don’t even need to be that quiet**

_Can I admit something?_

**You want to**

**Right now?**

**They’re still awake and it’s still light out**

**But I’m up for it if you are**

**So to speak**

_No_

_Could you stop thinking about sex for five minutes_

**No**

_Could you stop talking about sex for five minutes?_

**Not technically talking**

_Draco!_

**Yes dear**

_Never mind_

**I’m sorry**

**Granger**

**Come on**

_No_

**Granger**

**I said I was sorry**

**It’s not my fault I’m a teenage boy**

**We’re supposed to be like this**

**I’m quite sure I read that**

**In one of Pomfrey’s puberty handouts**

**And**

**You have to admit**

**This situation is a little stressful**

**And I had gotten used to having you to myself**

**And now**

**I’m stuck with these two**

**Here all the time**

**And they hate me**

**Which isn’t fair**

**and I can’t even really talk to you**

**so I’m sorry**

**okay?**

**I’m doing my best**

_I’m sorry_

_You’re right_

_And if they’re both asleep_

_And you’re quiet_

_THEN_

_But that wasn’t what I wanted to say_

**What?**

_When we first got here_

_And Ron got nasty_

_And you rolled up your sleeves so he could see you weren’t a Death Eater_

**Fucking prick**

_And then you asked if he would like you to drop your trousers_

_So he could inspect your arse_

_To see if there was a mark there_

_I bit my tongue so hard to keep from laughing_

_I drew blood_

**I knew you liked me best**

_Draco_

_It’s not a contest_

**Feels like it is**

**Feels like I’m losing**

_Draco!_

_They’re my friends_

_You’re_

_You’re you_

**Oh, that’s very reassuring**

_I love you, you idiot_

**You’re not very good at this, are you?**

_Draco_

_When this is over_

_We’ll go to that beach_

_And you can grow your peaches_

_And we’ll live there_

_And they can come visit_

**and stay in a hotel**

_Draco!_

**It will be a very small cottage**

**Because you refuse to have a house-elf**

**And you don’t like to clean**

**And neither do I**

**And Weasley snores**

**As I now know**

**To my eternal sadness**

**Granger**

_What?_

**Why do you love me?**

**I mean**

**I’m not very nice**

**And I was really not nice to you for a long time**

**And you’ve**

**I mean**

**We’re here**

**We’ve been here**

**And in hiding**

**Together**

**For a long time**

**And I can’t offer you anything**

**I’m nothing but the kid who isn’t a Death Eater**

**Potter’s the Chosen One**

**And Weasley is**

**Well**

**Potter’s the Chosen One**

**And I’m not**

_You_

_Draco_

_I_

_I love you_

_You’re smart and you’re funny_

_And when you grin the corner of your mouth crinkles up in this way_

_And you never give up_

_And you’re brave_

_And I like being around you_

_And you make me feel like this will all some how work out_

_And I can talk to you_

_About anything_

_Merlin knows_

_We’ve talked about everything in this tent_

_And I trust you_

**You do?**

_Yeah_

_Why wouldn’t I?_

**Just**

**No one does**

**You know**

**I’m just the coward who ran away**

_No you’re not_

_You’re the man who refused to become something he feared_

_The man who gave up his friends_

_And his education_

_And his family_

_Rather than do that_

_And you ask me why I love you?_

**Granger**

_Yeah_

**Thanks**

_Uh_

_Okay_

**Did you mean it about the sex?**

_Oh my god_

**No, really.**

_I’m going to go find something to do_

_Plans to make_

_And stuff_

**If you kiss me it’ll make Weasley turn red again**

_You are a bad bad man_

**Your point?**

****


	13. Chapter 13

_I’m starting to think you’re right_

**I am**

**Of course**

**Always**

_Brat_

**Mind telling me what I’m right about this time?**

_Why is Ron being such a dick?_

_Like_

_Did he really think being on the run_

_Looking for horcruxes_

_Was going to be fun?_

**Heroic**

_What?_

**He thought it would be heroic**

**Like in stories**

**Lots of the glorious battle stuff**

**And less of the bit where we sit around**

**And glare at each other**

**And are cold**

_And hungry_

**I’m getting good at fishing**

**And you found all those berries yesterday**

**And who knew those little clover things were edible?**

_Yeah, well_

_Burned fish with a side of berries and weeds isn’t exactly what he’s used to_

**It’s not what I’m used to either**

**You don’t see me being such a wanker about it**

_The wanker thing may be the issue_

**Huh?**

_Well_

_It’s not like he’s getting any_

**Hermione Granger**

_What?_

_Lots of wanking in Ron’s life_

_Or maybe not enough_

_Hard to tell_

**Did you just make a sex joke?**

_Maybe_

**Yes!**

**I’ve successfully been a bad influence on you**

**My work here is done**

**Time to pack up**

**Go back to being evil and all**

_Ha ha ha_

_I think we should be loud tonight_

_After that comment about eating crap cows wouldn’t graze on_

**And I’ve made you mean**

_I was already mean_

**Whatever**

**I’m so proud of myself**

**Granger**

_What_

**Not to change the subject away from you being annoyed with Weasley**

**Because I could talk about that all day**

**But**

**That locket**

**Is a fucked up evil bit of bullshite**

**And we need to figure out how to get rid of it**

_I know_

_Any ideas?_

**Maybe**

**But**

**I thought you were the research queen**

**Not me**

_Imagine me looking around for a library_

**Explain to me again**

**Also**

**Why we have to take turns wearing it?**

**Because that seems like a really bad idea**

**It’s not like we’re going to misplace the fucking thing**

**Why can’t we just put it in your bag**

**Wearing it makes people fucking insane**

_I know_

**Hermione**

**I don’t want you to wear it anymore**

_Draco_

_I’m fine_

**No**

**You’re not**

**And wearing that thing is not okay**

_Draco_

**I’ll take your turn**

**But you aren’t wearing it again**

_Draco_

**Just don’t**

_I’m fine_

**We have one**

**And you people tell me you already got rid of two others**

**And that there are seven total**

**So what are the other four?**

_You’re changing the subject_

**Oh**

**You noticed that**

**Don’t suppose you have a basilisk fang in your bag**

**Since that worked already**

_No_

**Too bad**

_Cup, I think_

**Huh?**

_He had a thing for special objects and a weird fascination with Hogwarts_

_So_

_I think Helga Hufflepuff’s cup_

**How about the lost diadem?**

_What?_

**You know**

**Ravenclaw’s crown thing**

**Diadem**

**Like a tiara**

_I know what a diadem is_

**Just checking**

**Hard to be sure what the peasants know and all**

**I doubt diadems were a thing in your wardrobe, Muggle girl**

_Oh_

_I’m sorry_

_Were they a thing in yours my pampered little pureblood?_

_I bet you look super cute in your tiara_

**I do, actually**

_Okay_

_That made me laugh_

_And now Ron is staring at me_

**Be nice to me and someday I’ll wear just my tiara and nothing else for you**

_Draco!_

**Or you could wear nothing but the tiara**

**I’m open to either option**

**I’m the open-minded sort**

**Especially if nudity and you are involved**

_Do you really think it could be this diadem?_

**You’re changing the subject**

**I guess the idea of me in only a crown is too much for you**

_Draco!!_

**Fine**

**It’s worth checking**

**I’m sure it’s at the school somewhere**

**It’s something to do**

**Other than sit here and glare at Weasley**

_So all we have to do is sneak back_

_And track down something described as lost_

**You could get the basilisk fang while you’re at it**

_What?_

**Well, isn’t that what you used to get rid of the book?**

_Well, I didn’t use it_

**But it’s in a secret room**

**That only Potter can get into, right?**

_Well, yeah_

**And it destroys these vile things, right?**

_Yeah_

**So, I’m going to go out on this wild limb here**

**And say**

**Let’s go get it**

**And get rid of this thing**

**And then keep it around in case we find more**

_The school is crawling with Death Eaters_

**And we have an invisibility cloak**

**And that didn’t exactly stop you people**

**From going to the MINISTRY**

**The competent Death Eaters are at the Ministry**

**But, no**

**You went and snuck in anyway**

**How is the school any different?**

_You kind of have a point_

**Thank you**

**So… we go to the school and get rid of the locket and look for the crown?**

_It is a plan_

**Which is an improvement on what we have now**

_It is_

_And it’ll make Ron happy_

_Something to do_

_And we can get some food from the kitchens_

**Making Weasley happy**

**My life goal has been met**

**I can die now**

_Don’t you dare_


	14. Chapter 14

_That was easier than I expected_

**Yeah**

**It’s amazing how a magical map**

**And an invisibility cloak**

**And magical coins**

**Make shite easier than**

**Polyjuicing yourself as a low level employee**

**And trying to sneak into the most highly guarded place in the country**

_That would be Azkaban_

**Not anymore**

**The Dementors aren’t there anymore**

_Do you ever plan to stop saying I told you so?_

**Not really**

**No**

**And whose plan carried the day**

_I’m not sure_

_Let’s sneak in and do this_

_Really counts as a plan, Draco_

_I mean_

_It’s hardly D-day_

**What?**

_Never mind_

_Muggle thing_

**Do I get a blow job as a reward?**

_Oh my god_

**I think I should get a reward**

**We got the fang**

**And the diadem**

**And two more horcruxes are destroyed**

**And**

**We filled your bag with food and cake**

_Cake is technically food_

**Cake is better than food**

**Cake is life**

_Is cake better than blow jobs?_

**Granger**

**Are you offering extra blow jobs if I give you my share of the cake?**

**Because I could be persuaded**

_I give up_

_Are you ever not thinking about sex?_

**When I had to fly back up**

**Out of that chamber of horrors**

**With the giant rotting monster**

**On Potter’s broom**

**Pressed against him**

**I was not thinking about sex**

_What were you thinking about_

**Mostly that I was about to die**

**Which**

**Thankfully**

**Proved to be false**

**So**

**Now I’m thinking about sex**

_Sigh_

**Why?**

**What are you thinking about?**

_Mostly that there are still three to go_

**Snake**

_What?_

**One of them’s the creepy snake**

**I’m 90% sure**

**And**

**If I’m wrong**

**Killing that snake**

**Not a bad thing**

**Did I mention it’s a creepy snake?**

_I didn’t know you were scared of snakes_

**Granger**

**The thing is big enough to eat a person**

**I’m pretty sure it has eaten a person**

**This isn’t some cute little garden snake**

_You okay over there, Draco?_

_You seem to be paler than usual_

**I don’t like that snake, okay?**

_Do you really think it might be a horcrux?_

**Well**

**Actually yes**

**Though manipulating you bunch**

**Into offing it even if I didn’t**

**Would have been clever**

_Snake’s always with you-know-who_

_Hard to get at_

**Cup**

_Yeah_

_But we don’t know where that is_

**Yeah**

_Any ideas?_

**Not the Manor**

**I think I would have noticed it**

**It’s kind of big**

_And in a ton of the art at Hogwarts_

_So it’s not like you wouldn’t recognize it_

**You’re using the word art loosely I see**

_Don’t be a snob_

**Can’t help it**

_You don’t like the paintings at Hogwarts?_

**Granger**

**Granger**

**Some day**

**When this is all over**

**I’ll take you to a museum**

**And show you good art**

_I don’t think there are Wizard art museums_

**Shows what you know**

**Besides**

**I’m expanding my horizons**

**We can go to Muggle museums too**

**As long as you go with me**

**So the Muggles won’t eat me**

_Muggles don’t eat people_

**That wasn’t what the books I read as a kid said**

_Draco_

_Those weren’t accurate_

**Are you telling me The Summer of the Kneazles**

**Was not an accurate representation of Muggle life?**

_I don’t know that book_

_But Muggles don’t eat people_

**They do in Mrs. Frisby and the Pygmy Puffs of the Ministry**

_I think you need to put your kids books away_

_And trust me when I tell you_

_Muggles don’t eat people_

**So… no eating?**

_No eating_

**Not ever?**

_Not ever_

**Does this mean I’m not getting my blow job as a reward for my brilliance?**

_Oh my god_

_You little…_

_You set me up_

_And you look smug about it_

**Smug?**

**No. This is the look of a man considering whether to eat the last piece of cake**

_Go ahead_

_Eat the cake_

_See if I care_

**Granger**

**Granger**

**Granger**

**Granger**

**Don’t be mad**

**Come on**

**Granger**

_Nope_

**I love you?**

_Not relevant_

**Now I’m pouting**

**You hurt my feelings**

_Hurumph_

**Did you actually just write out**

**Hurumph?**

_Hurumph_

**My feelings are still hurt over here**

_Fine_

_I love you too_

_Hurumph_

**Do you know what I’m thinking about?**

_Sex?_

**No**

**Well, yes**

**That too**

**But**

**Granger**

**You know what the seventh horcrux is, don’t you?**

_I…_

_Yes._

**Does he?**

_I don’t think so._

**Shite.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so excited because Gidgit2u drew Draco in nothing but a tiara. http://tinyurl.com/pcqc4ey


	15. Chapter 15

**I’m going to kill him**

_Who?_

**No**

**Don’t try to write**

**You have a fucking word**

**Carved in your fucking arm**

**And I’m sure it hurts to write**

**My fucking aunt**

**Carved a fucking word into you**

**And tortured you**

**She tortured  you**

**And it’s because that fucking Potter**

**Brought Snatchers down on us**

**Couldn’t not say the name**

**No**

**He has to be the fucking hero who isn’t scared to say the name**

**Even though there was a fucking taboo on it**

**Does he not know what that means?**

**It means don’t fucking say it**

**It means use your goddamned brain**

**Arsehole**

**And I had to stand there while they tortured you**

**And I couldn’t do a goddamned thing about it**

**Because that fucking Death Eater bastard had his wand at my neck**

**As if being a blood traitor was somehow worse than being one of them**

**Worse than being a lunatic**

**Who tortures people**

**And now you’re hurt**

**And I couldn’t stop them**

**You’re so hurt**

**Granger**

**I’m so so sorry**

**So so sorry**

_It’s okay_

**It is not okay**

**It is NOT OKAY**

_Don’t be mad at Harry_

**Granger**

**I’ll find some way to make this up to you**

**I’ll find some way to**

**I don’t know**

**Make this better**

**Make you better**

**I’ll find a way**

_Are you okay?_

**I suppose**

**This cottage is tiny**

**And your friends all stare at me like they think I might summon the fucking Dark Lord**

**Any moment**

**But**

**Yeah**

**I’m fine**

**I’m worried about you**

**That Fleur girl told me not to hover**

**So I’m not hovering**

**I’m trying not to hover**

_She’s beautiful_

**Who?**

_Fleur_

**If you say so**

**I’m a little bit busy being worried about my girlfriend**

**Who’s lying upstairs**

**Away from me**

**Because I’m not hovering**

**And she’s recovering from being tortured**

**By my fucking crazy aunt**

**So I haven’t thought much about the appearance of my hostess**

**Which would be fucking rude anyway**

**Since she’s married**

**And I have a girlfriend**

**In case you haven’t noticed**

_I’d noticed_

**Who I love**

_Who loves you_

**Granger**

**I’m so so sorry**

**I did the best I could**

_You did great_

_You and your mum_

_Got us out of there_

_All of us_

_In one piece_

**Not good enough**

**I didn’t get you out before you got hurt**

**I’m so so sorry**

_Stop_

_Draco_

_You got away from that guy_

_You stopped your aunt_

_Your mum lowered the wards once they were all distracted_

_We apparated out_

_I’ve got her wand_

_We’re safe_

_Because of you_

_And her_

_And now we know where the cup is_

**I don’t care about the fucking cup!**

**I care about you**

**Let the cup stay in that crazy bitch’s vault forever**

_Can’t_

_You know that_

_We have to go get it_

_Stab it_

_Thanks for grabbing my bag_

_By the way_

_We’ll want that basilisk fang_

_My hero_

**Well**

**There’s cake in that bag**

_Ew_

_Stale cake maybe_

**I’ll spend my life making this up to you, Granger**

**However long it takes**

**I swear**

**Fucking Potter**

**Saying that bastard’s name**

**I can’t believe he was that fucking stupid**

**I’m going to fucking kill him**

**As soon as this is over**

**Kill him until he is fucking dead for real this time**

_Draco_

**What?**

_Do something for me_

**Anything**

**Anything**

**Anything you want**

_Forgive Harry_

**No**

_Draco_

_Please_

**Why can’t you ask for the moon?**

**Or the stars?**

**Something I could buy for you**

**A small country**

**Something easy**

**Not this**

_Please_

**Granger, please**

_Please_

_Draco_

**Yes**

**Fine**

**For you**

_Thank you_

**He doesn’t deserve it**

**Fucking tosser**

_Can you bring me some cake?_

**Stale cake from your bag?**

**Ew**

**Granger**

**No**

**It’s probably got basilisk venom on it**

**Or Death Eater germs**

**Or some other gross thing**

_Ask Fleur for some_

_Or a muffin_

_Or something_

_I don’t care what_

_And bring it to me_

_I want to see you_

_Come hold me_

_I’m scared still_

_It’s not over_

_And you make it better_

_Please_

_Draco_

**Anything**

**Anything**

**Forever**

**And always**

**Anything, Hermione.**


	16. Chapter 16

**That was awesome.**

_You’re insane._

_That was the worst day ever._

_And I’ve had some bad days lately._

_I am never flying again._

_Not ever._

_Never._

**Awesome.**

**Nothing will ever equal that.**

**Hermione**

**We rode on a dragon.**

_I am aware_

**So awesome**

_Terrifying_

**The bit where you had to dress up as Bellatrix**

_Dress up doesn’t quite cover it_

**And I had to stand very close to Potter and Weasley under that cloak**

**Very close**

**I think Weasley was stepping on my feet on purpose**

**That part was pretty bad**

**I admit**

_I’m so sorry you had to stand too close to two other boys_

_Two perfectly safe boys who posed no risk to you at all_

_I’m sure that was horrifying_

**Weasley has poor personal hygiene, Hermione.**

**It was a bit traumatizing.**

_Boo hoo_

**And for a bit there I thought we would all be caught and tortured to death**

**And I admit**

**That was a bit awful**

_You think?_

**But riding on a dragon?**

**Best day of my life**

**I wish we could do it again**

_No_

_Never_

_What is wrong with you?_

_There is definitely something wrong with you._

**How can you not like flying?**

**You’re a witch**

_The broomsticks thing? Really?_

_It’s a cliché._

_And uncomfortable._

**I suppose you’d prefer a flying carpet?**

**Just sit there and float along sedately?**

_Is that an option?_

**No.**

**They banned them a while back**

_Figures._

**Merlin**

**For a woman who’s devoted her time to fighting evil**

**You are so weirdly risk averse**

_I’m afraid of falling_

**I’m rolling my eyes at you**

_Anyway_

_We got the cup_

_And stabbed it_

_So no more cup_

_And no more crown_

**It’s called a diadem**

_And no more locket_

_And no more ring_

_And no more diary_

**Two to go**

_Yep_

**Any ideas on how to get the snake?**

_No good ones._

**And then**

**Uh**

**You know.**

_Yeah_

**Do you think he’s supposed to die heroically as he kills you-know-who?**

_Draco_

_Dumbledore did all this stuff with Harry_

_Getting him ready to face you-know-how_

_He can’t have been raising him as a pig to slaughter_

_That’s crazy_

**Why not?**

**Why not have that be the plan?**

_Well_

_It would be wrong_

_You can’t just plan on killing off a kid to win your war_

_That’s not right_

**Dumbledore was not a man who hesitated to use people**

**He wanted to send me back to be Marked**

**Don’t see why he wouldn’t have used Potter too.**

_You’re wrong_

_Draco_

_You have to be wrong_

_That would be so cruel_

_And awful._

_Harry loved Dumbledore._

**Not sure how that’s relevant**

_Draco!_

**I’m not**

_Anyway_

_Jerk face_

_I think we’re kind of at the point where Harry has to do the rest._

**Does that mean we can kick them out of our tent?**

_Uh_

**And go back to talking like normal people**

**And having loud sex?**

**Because I rather liked both of those things**

_You like quiet sex too_

**Variety is good**

**But mostly having the pair of them gone?**

**That would be brilliant**

_I thought you were all getting along better now_

**Well**

**In that they don’t seem to think I’m about to turn you all in to you-know-who?**

**Yeah**

**But I wouldn’t call us mates**

_They like you_

**They don’t**

**But that’s OK**

_Draco_

**They don’t**

**They never will**

**And that’s fine**

**I doubt Pansy’s ever going to be braiding your hair**

**And painting your toenails**

_Eww_

**I don’t care if your friends like me**

**As long as you do**

_I just want this to be over_

**Me too**

**Granger**

_What?_

**Do you ever wish you hadn’t come out here with me?**

**Had just**

**I don’t know**

**Stayed in school**

**Been normal**

**And just**

_Stop_

_No_

_Not ever_

**It’s just that this has been pretty awful**

**Crowded into this tent**

**Hiding**

**And you didn’t have to do it**

**You could have**

**I don’t know**

_Waited around for you-know-who to break my wand_

_For being a Mudblood?_

**Don’t use that word**

_What?_

**Just**

**Don’t**

_Draco_

**Don’t**

**Okay**

**I’d like to go back and erase every time I every called you that**

**And I can’t**

**And it kills me when you use it**

**And it’s not fair for me to tell you not to**

**But don’t**

**Please**

_Peaches_

_Draco._

_We need to talk about the serious problems._

_Not your neurosis_

_The peaches_

**What?**

_How do you plan to grow peaches_

_At the beach_

_When this is over_

_Because I am never, ever sorry I came out here with you_

_Not for a single moment_

_And we’re going to go get that cottage_

_And you are going to grow fruit that isn’t at all appropriate for the environment_

**And feed them to you every night**

_Yeah_

_Have you put any thought into the problem of how to get them to grow?_

**Granger**

_Yeah?_

**I love you**

**Just**

**Thanks**

_Don’t thank me_

_I don’t plan to prune your ill-advised trees_

_I’m going to lie around in a bikini_

_And drink things_

_With little umbrellas in them_

_Embarrassing drinks, Draco_

_I plan to drink embarrassing drinks_

_And worry about nothing more pressing than how much sun is too much_

**That’ll be nice**

_Yeah_

**As soon as this is over**

_Soon_

**Yeah**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hermione**

**I jut wanted to let you know**

**I am not letting these arseholes keep me out of the infirmary this time**

**So if you hear screaming in the hallway**

**It’s me.**

_OK_

_Hey_

_Draco_

_Before you storm the barricades and everything_

_I’m fine_

_I’m just up here because Neville is pretty beat up_

**Really?**

_Really_

_Totally fine_

_I mean, I am_

_Neville’s kind of covered in snake guts_

**Gross**

_Yeah_

_And it turns out that magical snake guts that were a horcrux_

_Don’t respond to normal cleaning charms_

**Oh**

**So… gross**

_Yeah_

_And I don’t think anyone’s going to keep you out of anything_

_Your dad, maybe_

**He’s hunting down a drink**

**I’m a little worried about him**

_Yeah_

_Your mum seemed okay_

**She was bloody brilliant**

**When Potter did his weird quasi-dead thing**

**She lied to the bastard about it**

_I was afraid he really was dead_

**Nah**

**If having to listen to you scream my name**

**Didn’t make him have a heart attack**

**He’s unkillable**

_Draco!_

_You told me you’d cast silencing charms_

**I’m not good at silencing charms**

_Oh my god_

_I’m going to die_

_Right here_

_In the infirmary_

**Good place for it**

_Covered in snake guts_

_And it will be all your fault_

**Granger**

_Yeah_

**It’s over**

_I know_

_It doesn’t seem real yet_

**We can go back to school**

**I mean, assuming they get this place cleaned up**

**It’s a bit trashed right now**

_We can redo sixth year_

_We can do seventh year_

_We can take our exams_

**You are the only woman in the world**

**Who would get excited about that**

**The evil maniac is dead**

**And you’re all ‘yay, we can take exams now’**

_We can snog in broom closets_

_Like normal students_

**I was hoping for a bit more than snogging**

**I have needs**

**NEEDS**

_And I need to pass my exams_

_Get a job_

_We aren’t all filthy rich, poncy boy_

**Yeah**

**About that**

_Is this when you tell me you’re actually poor_

_And we can’t have that cottage_

_Or those peach trees_

_Because if you tell me that_

_I might feel very deceived_

**No**

**I’m richer than any 10 people should be**

**It’s just**

**Wait**

**Granger**

**If you get a job**

**How do you plan to sit around drinking on the beach**

**And making fun of my peach trees?**

_We can go there on vacation?_

**Absolutely not**

**I just spent almost 2 years in a musty tent**

**Some of which I spent with wonder boy and his weasel sidekick**

_Draco!_

**And we are going to that cottage**

_For vacation_

**No**

_After graduation_

**Well, yes.**

**My mum would kill me if I didn’t graduate**

**But we are going there to live**

**Every day**

**Until we get bored**

**We can use the library**

**It’s still there, right**

**That bastard didn’t accidentally burn down the library or anything?**

_No, I think it’s fine_

_Hold on_

_I’ll ask Neville_

**Really? You’re going to just stop talking to me**

**To ask snake guts a question?**

_Neville says it’s fine_

_And don’t call him snake guts_

**So we use the library to figure out how to grow peach trees at the beach**

_You should just ask Neville_

**Why?**

_He’s kind of brilliant at herbology_

**I’ll make a note of that**

**Granger**

**I wanted to ask you something**

_What?_

**The job thing**

**And about you needing one**

**Because you aren’t filthy rich**

**I mean, you could be**

_I’ve already robbed a bank once_

_I think that’s enough for one life_

_And that wasn’t fun_

_As you recall_

**The dragon part was great**

_It really wasn’t_

**Whatever**

**Weirdo**

**It was beyond great**

**But that wasn’t what I wanted to say**

**Granger**

**Would you marry me?**

**Granger**

**Granger**

**Granger**

**Granger**

**Granger**

**Fuck**

**Are you okay?**

**Granger?**

**Granger?!**

_Come up here and ask me that in person_


	18. Chapter 18

_I cannot believe your mother_

_We lived together for TWO YEARS_

_And we’ve spent most of the last year_

_Sneaking into each other’s dorms_

_And you already bought that cottage_

_And we’re almost totally moved in_

_And she decides_

_We can’t be together_

_The night before the wedding_

_Because_

_“tradition”._

**It’s supposed to be bad luck**

_Whatever_

_I’m glad this stupid spell still works_

**Hey**

**This spell isn’t stupid**

**Do you have any idea how long it took me to get this to work?**

**Just to get your attention**

**This spell is brilliant.**

_Yes_

_It is_

_And you’re brilliant_

**Four N.E.W.T. exams**

**I’d say that’s a fair assessment**

_And so modest, too_

**You didn’t exactly make a poor showing yourself**

**Though I think the Muggle Studies exam was just to be obnoxious**

_Would I do that?_

**Yes.**

**Miss over-extended**

_Brat_

**Me?**

_So much you_

**Love you**

_Yeah_

**That’s all I get?**

**A ‘yeah’?**

**No ‘I love you, too, oh most perfect and wonderful Draco’?**

_Pretty much_

_Yeah_

**Granger**

**You’re a pain in my arse**

_Yeah_

**Granger**

_What?_

**I’m still waiting**

_For what_

**For you to tell me you love me**

_Oh_

**Granger**

**Granger**

**Granger**

**This isn’t nice**

**You aren’t being nice**

**Granger**

_Draco_

_Would you stop?_

**No**

**‘I love you, my most perfect and wonderful Draco’**

_Sigh_

_I love you_

_My imperfect and still wonderful Draco_

_Trust me_

_I would not be sleeping in this Manor_

_Where_

_I’d like to remind you_

_I was tortured_

_And I would not have let your mother plan this THING_

_If I didn’t just adore you_

**It is a little over the top**

_A little?_

**It could be worse.**

_How?_

**Unicorns?**

_Unicorns?_

**There were unicorns at her wedding.**

**I’ve seen pictures**

_Oh my god_

**My father had his hand on one**

_Your FATHER?_

**Sanctimonia Vincet Semper aren’t just pretty words, you know**

_I…_

**But it might be a little embarrassing for us**

**Since I think our purity is little more, uh**

_Theoretical?_

**Meta**

**It’s meta-purity**

**We are pure of heart**

**We conquered evil and shite**

**But the genitals**

**Maybe not so pure**

_I wish we could be exploring that lack of purity right now_

_This thing_

_This separate room thing?_

_In this house of all houses?_

_I’m not happy about this_

**I’m sorry**

**I hadn’t thought of that**

**That you’d be**

**Not okay**

**Because**

**This house**

_It’s okay when I’m with you_

_I don’t like not being with you_

_I know it’s not rational_

_And she’s dead_

_And he’s dead_

_And your mother is thrilled we’re getting married_

_As in, party of the decade thrilled_

_I mean, you should see this dress_

_I think she plans to auction it off for charity afterward_

_And use the proceeds for war orphans_

_ALL the war orphans_

_I mean_

_It’s beyond ridiculous_

**But you’re still scared**

_In this house_

_If I’m alone_

_Yeah_

_I keep thinking about that day_

_And your aunt_

_And the scar feels like it’s throbbing_

_And_

**Stop**

**I want you to go out into the hall and describe the picture nearest your door**

**And then**

**Leave the door open**

_Why?_

**Because I have no idea where you are**

**In this behemoth of a house**

**But if you tell me which ancient and dead Malfoy is glaring at you**

**I can figure it out**

**And get there**

**And fuck tradition**

**Because you are not spending tonight afraid**

**Though**

**And it’s nearly killing me to say this**

**Maybe we shouldn’t have sex**

**Just in case it really is bad luck**

_You don’t have to do that_

**Give up sex for one night**

**I know I have needs, Granger**

**But I think I can manage**

**Plus**

**I’m scared of my mother**

**And what she’d do**

**If we shagged the night before the wedding**

**Staying with you**

**That I can explain**

**Especially if no sex**

**But**

_That wasn’t what I meant_

_I’ll be okay_

**Not good enough**

**Describe the picture**

_Uh_

_Woman in a white dress. The fabric is kind of pulled up around her bum_

**Like a bustle?**

_Yeah, and she’s holding a fan_

_And this dress looks really tight. She’s kind of waving her fan at me_

_But I don’t think she can breathe really well_

**OK, I know the one**

**That’s Cassiopeia.**

_Your family and the star names_

**I know**

**Hang on**

**I’ll be right there**

_Draco_

**Yeah?**

_I love you._

**_~ finis ~_ **

****

****

****

****

**_._ **

**_._ **

**_._ **

**_._ **

**_except not_ **


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An outtake from some time while they are camping.

**Granger**

**Granger**

**Granger**

_I am trying to read, Draco_

_What do you want_

**I’m bored**

**And Weasley keeps giving me looks**

_So give him looks back_

**No**

**He might think I’m into him**

**Or something**

_I’m pretty sure Ron knows we’re dating_

_And given how he and Lavender were pretty public about their affection_

_I feel confident in saying he likes girls._

**Whatever**

**Granger**

**Granger**

**I have an idea**

_Oh god_

**What?**

_Your ideas are often bad_

**They are not**

_When you’re bored they are_

**Are not**

_Whatever_

_Are you going to let me read_

_Or do I have to listen to your idea first_

**It’s not really listening**

**It’s also reading**

_Fine, pedantic boy_

_Do I have to read your idea before you’ll let me go back to my book?_

**Yes**

_Then get on with it_

**You know how we write these notes**

**Back and forth**

**To keep our conversations private from Scarhead and Weasel?**

_Do you think it would kill you to use their names?_

**Yes**

**I think it would**

_Fine_

_Go on_

**So it occurred to me**

_Oh god_

**What?**

_You’re leading up to this very carefully_

_That never ends up anywhere good_

**Merlin**

_I know you_

**But you like me**

_I do_

**So I was thinking we could write dirty notes**

_Dirty notes?_

**Like**

**I’m taking your cock in my mouth and running my tongue around it**

_I don’t have a cock_

**Granger!**

_What?_

_I don’t_

**You would write that to me**

_Why would I do that_

_Exactly?_

**Because it’s sexy.**

**Granger**

**Granger**

**Granger**

**I see you ignoring me**

_Oh Draco, Oh Draco_

_I want your big thick cock in my dripping pussy_

_You mean something like that?_

**Well**

**Yes**

_No_

**What?**

**But you just did**

_I was being sarcastic_

**So be sarcastic again**

_No_

**Please**

_Draco_

_No_

_This make me uncomfortable_

**It does?**

_Yes_

**But why?**

**I mean – we DO this**

**For real**

**With actual bodies**

**Our actual bodies**

**And I like your body**

**A lot**

**And I assume you like mine**

**I mean, you do, right?**

_Yes_

**So why not words?**

**You like words**

_I just_

_I don’t know_

_It feels uncomfortable_

_And embarrassing_

_It makes me feel stupid_

_Like I’m going to say it wrong_

_Or something_

**Oh**

**I’m sorry**

**I thought it would be fun**

**I didn’t mean**

**I’m sorry**

**Granger**

_I’m just stupid_

**No**

**Never ever**

**You couldn’t be stupid if you tried**

**Your friends?**

**Stupid without trying**

**But you’re amazing**

**And I’m sorry**

_Thanks_

_I guess_

**Hey**

**I love you, you know**

**I know I’m a jerk most of the time**

**But I really do**

_Thanks_

_I’m sorry_

**Don’t be sorry**

**I just miss you**

_I’m right here_

**It’s not the same with Scarhead and Weasel here**

**Living in a musty tent with your girlfriend is one thing**

**Living in a musty tent with two blokes who hate you**

**Kind of another**

**We used to be able to just be**

**I don’t know**

**Silly**

**And you kissed me whenever you wanted to**

**And we were just**

**I don’t know**

**It was nice**

**And now it’s different**

**And I miss you**

**And what it was like**

_I do too_

**You do?**

_Yeah_

_You used to come up behind me and wrap your arms around me_

_And whisper in my ear_

_And kiss me_

_And we’d dance_

_Remember the time we just danced around the tent_

**Yeah**

**And how we’d lay on our bed, all tangled up**

**And you’d tell me Muggle fairy tales**

**While I played with your hair**

_Yeah_

**I believed it would be all right then**

_It will_

**I don’t know**

**It seems like it just keeps getting worse**

**More dangerous**

_I know_

_But it’ll get better_

**Promise?**

_Promise_

**What are you doing?**

_Putting my book away_

**Why?**

**Oh, crap**

**I totally ruined your train of thought, didn’t?**

**I’m an arse**

**I’m sorry**

_Well, you are an arse_

_That is true_

_But I thought_

_Maybe we could go for a walk_

_Without our roommates_

_And practice shield charms_

_And notice-me-not spells_

_And perhaps_

_Uh_

_Consider some al fresco romance_

**Are you saying?**

_Yes_

**I think I need to be annoying more often**

_Oh god._

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on FFN in 2015.


End file.
